me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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