i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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