I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
