I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
