You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
