Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
