Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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