oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
