uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize