I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
