FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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