Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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