my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
