is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
