Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
