i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
