Yo dont text me then not text me
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
