Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
