Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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