please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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