so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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