Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
