new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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