i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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