cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
