hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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