I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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