Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
