At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
