I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
