i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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