How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
