Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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