So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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