you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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