Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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