Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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