you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize