Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's the barista slut.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize