Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
