i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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