he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
