I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
