I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm always down for nudity.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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