Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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