how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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