i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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