I wish I could teleport
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
