So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
