I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize