She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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