It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
