It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
