do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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