my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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