being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
