im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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